Imagine you’re a ship, you’re the captain, and you are in charge of your destination. Only you can determine your course, although others may try to steer you. Ultimately, you decide on your path, or do you? We often blame external events or situations for the decisions we make, but the reality is only you can make those decisions. No one can make you think, feel, or do anything you don’t allow yourself to.
I will repeat that: no one can make you think, feel, or do anything you don’t allow yourself to.
So, if I’m right, how come we often make choices, choose directions, make decisions that aren’t really what we would want? We don’t! Every decision, every choice, is exactly what you want. You may not have been aware until now that you are behind your choices, but you are, or rather your emotions are.
Depending on which emotion you hand your captaincy to will affect the outcomes. Hand it over to First Mate Mr Positivity, and you should have no problems following your desired course to your desired destination. But hand it over to Crewman Insecurity, Fear, or Anxiety, and they will change the charts, which will affect the destination and the comfort with which you get there.
Emotions, especially so-called negative emotions, get a lot of blame and bad press. But, just like being happy, calm, and positive, they are only doing their job, that being, being who they are. And I hate that these are called negative emotions. They are only negative if you feed them and let them get big, but so are so-called positive emotions. How annoying is someone who is permanently happy and joyful? Or so calm it’s as if they are sedated from reality?
Only you can let any of your emotions steer your ship, despite the story you tell yourself that it’s external forces making you feel this way or that. So, have a word with yourself. Recognise that no one is in control of you unless you give them permission. And if you’re giving “a negative emotion” permission, what’s that about and how is it helping you? The obvious answer is self-sabotage. How is that helping you? Because at some level, it is by stopping you from doing or being something. The oldest emotion, self-doubt, has caused your crew to mutiny so it can take your ship.
But self-doubt is, by design, full of self-doubt. Help it, reassure it, and it will give you back your crew.